TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
