Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
