listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
