Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
