whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
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