So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
