tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
