There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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