The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
