It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
