hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
