I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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