pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
