This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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