everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
