Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
