ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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