saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
