Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
