So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
