Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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