I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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