We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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