Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
