I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
