But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
