I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
