He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
wanna go halves on a baby?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
