Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
