she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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