There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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