he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
