i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
