I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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