the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.