I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i think i just lost a toe
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar