Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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