so explain again why im purple
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
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Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.