I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
