Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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