i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
