I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
