she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize