You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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