I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
