i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
