so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
