you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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