I will die if light touches me.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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