The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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