I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
