i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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