Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
