are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
MIDGETS
????
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
