I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
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Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
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So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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