wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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