i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
