When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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