I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
