the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Bring me that man meat
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I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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