All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize