I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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