You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
