you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
